Same here. Married 38 years this December. 39 years together this November. I'm married to a narcissist and I'm trapped, as I will lose my house and my dogs if we divorce. I'm disabled now and can't work, so there's no "starting over." My dogs are my reason for living.
Broken hearts are always remembered and we all learn the hard way to soften up. Only time heals. I am sorry helps. But the damge done we move on. Trying not to break anothers heart but sometimes do. The dance of attraction broken hearts takes two. One is the loneliest number we ever do. Song mad famous by 3 Dog Night.
One of my best friends, a girl named Karen reacted poorly first to my marriage and then my new girlfriend after my divorce, Karon. Things were hostile even though we rarely bumped into each other. After a few months of bliss, Karon broke up with me, only later did I find out it was her cervical cancer which took her life in a few months.
A year later I stopped by my mom's house across the street from Karens to fix a 220 outlet for her.
Karen caught me as I was about to leave on my motorcycle. She asked me if I was still dating Karon, I told her no, and she wanted to know why I dumped her. I told her I didn't, she dumped me.
She said she didn't believe that and my reply told her she did, because of her cervical cancer.
Karen looked at me and asked how was she doing. I told her "Dead."
"I'm so sorry" she replied with a horrified look on her face.
"Yeah," I said in an incredulous tone, "Me too." Kicked the bike once and was gone and didn't look back.
I wasted a chance to repair some wreckage, perhaps, for a few of us, but I didn't care.
Edwin, I thought your response was spot-on perfect. In this case, “not caring” is appropriate!! A sign of strength!! You had nothing to apologize or make amends for... your former “best friend” did.
You can always find a reason to feel offended, but it takes real strength to be receptive to someone's moment of vulnerability, even if it's someone who genuinely hurt you.
What a great post of what seeking forgiveness can do. We are at a turning point now where those of us lepers in the covid freadk-out will need to forgive, even apparently those who do not seek our forgiveness or seek forgiveness in the way we would like. I wish you could send this to those "important" people out there who are changing their minds about covid. Seeking forgiveness and repentance is just as important is granting forgiveness.
I'm not sure how to reach them, and I'm doubtful that this post would affect persons that don't make it a habit or have ever apologized. I learned over years of receiving this that I have found peace in accepting the possibility that no matter how much I hope or pray for it, it may never happen. I will never receive an apology. It seems to me when a person is close to death is often the time and place where people start feeling remorse. Very unfortunate that they carry this without having it come to the surface sooner. I used to think that it would have to eat away at a person, but if they continue to justify it in their own mind or from cognitive dissonance, I think it's possible it doesn't. That's also how I learned to let go of wanting to control the outcome. While I may still need to deal with them in life, I try to as little as possible in a passive way. I no longer seek or hope for an apology, even though I am open to one.
Whoops, I found a typo! Should be "unwarranted" not "warranted"! Changing it now.
A genuine apology is a healing balm. I never received one in my 31+ year marriage. Divorced 2 years as of tomorrow.
Same here. Married 38 years this December. 39 years together this November. I'm married to a narcissist and I'm trapped, as I will lose my house and my dogs if we divorce. I'm disabled now and can't work, so there's no "starting over." My dogs are my reason for living.
(((Hugs)))
Thank-you! And back to you.
A fantastic reason.
You mean my dogs?
Man's best friend - always.
Broken hearts are always remembered and we all learn the hard way to soften up. Only time heals. I am sorry helps. But the damge done we move on. Trying not to break anothers heart but sometimes do. The dance of attraction broken hearts takes two. One is the loneliest number we ever do. Song mad famous by 3 Dog Night.
It's good you could receive his apology. It surely freed you and him both.
It is so very easy to not reciprocate.
One of my best friends, a girl named Karen reacted poorly first to my marriage and then my new girlfriend after my divorce, Karon. Things were hostile even though we rarely bumped into each other. After a few months of bliss, Karon broke up with me, only later did I find out it was her cervical cancer which took her life in a few months.
A year later I stopped by my mom's house across the street from Karens to fix a 220 outlet for her.
Karen caught me as I was about to leave on my motorcycle. She asked me if I was still dating Karon, I told her no, and she wanted to know why I dumped her. I told her I didn't, she dumped me.
She said she didn't believe that and my reply told her she did, because of her cervical cancer.
Karen looked at me and asked how was she doing. I told her "Dead."
"I'm so sorry" she replied with a horrified look on her face.
"Yeah," I said in an incredulous tone, "Me too." Kicked the bike once and was gone and didn't look back.
I wasted a chance to repair some wreckage, perhaps, for a few of us, but I didn't care.
I don't like not caring.
Edwin, I thought your response was spot-on perfect. In this case, “not caring” is appropriate!! A sign of strength!! You had nothing to apologize or make amends for... your former “best friend” did.
I would suggest he had not matured. Turning up at your house unannounced!! He knew your address and could easily have posted you a letter.
You can always find a reason to feel offended, but it takes real strength to be receptive to someone's moment of vulnerability, even if it's someone who genuinely hurt you.
Well said 🙏🕊️. And at that moment, 2 feel vulnerable - a sharing of common ground.
What a great post of what seeking forgiveness can do. We are at a turning point now where those of us lepers in the covid freadk-out will need to forgive, even apparently those who do not seek our forgiveness or seek forgiveness in the way we would like. I wish you could send this to those "important" people out there who are changing their minds about covid. Seeking forgiveness and repentance is just as important is granting forgiveness.
I'm not sure how to reach them, and I'm doubtful that this post would affect persons that don't make it a habit or have ever apologized. I learned over years of receiving this that I have found peace in accepting the possibility that no matter how much I hope or pray for it, it may never happen. I will never receive an apology. It seems to me when a person is close to death is often the time and place where people start feeling remorse. Very unfortunate that they carry this without having it come to the surface sooner. I used to think that it would have to eat away at a person, but if they continue to justify it in their own mind or from cognitive dissonance, I think it's possible it doesn't. That's also how I learned to let go of wanting to control the outcome. While I may still need to deal with them in life, I try to as little as possible in a passive way. I no longer seek or hope for an apology, even though I am open to one.
Thanks for sharing, and for your insights. Important to keep such things mind. 🙏