Those two little words

Even greater than those three little words

Thus far, I haven’t really shared a personal story, but I feel it’s time that one is warranted.

In my younger years, when visiting relatives in Chicago, my dad handed me a postmarked letter addressed to me at my parents home. It was from an ex-boyfriend. I had no idea what to expect.

I opened it and found just two things: my senior picture torn in a multitude of pieces and a handwritten note saying “_____ _____ _____!”

(Lol - wouldn’t you like to know - but it was all in big caps)

Needless to say, a broken heart can often bring out the worst in a person.

What was written was an unwarranted, hurtful accusation. If that was the intent, to hurt me, it worked. I did not respond.

About four years later and out of the blue, that same young man pulled up while I was outside working on my parent’s house. I was completely surprised, but curious at the same time, wondering, now what?

He approached the front porch steps, and after a few sentences of exchanging idle chit-chat, he said, “I came here to apologize.”

Well, with that, I immediately had to excuse myself and told him I’d be right back. I went into the house and straight into the bathroom. I looked straight into the mirror, took a good look at myself, and just started bawling.

Mind you, I’m not a bawler. I’m more of the strong, quiet type with tears usually reserved for moments of pride or humor.

But, there I was, watching myself bawl.

After that good cry, I cleaned my face up, and tried to compose myself before returning to the front steps.

Upon return, I did not explain my absence. He went on to say, “I’m sorry.”

Sorry for what he had written and sent me four years ago. That through life experiences and talking with others, he had learned that what he did was wrong, that he was immature when he wrote that, and he wanted to let me know in person.

I honestly don’t remember if I said thank you or whether I accepted his apology. What I remember is he came to visit me in person to apologize, and that was the moment that I could start healing from the hurt.

Thirty years later, I still remember that moment as one of the greatest moments of my life. A moment that taught me the power of genuinely saying, “I’m sorry” and that it’s never too late to apologize.

So what were the essential components that made this so memorable?

Specific - he explained what he did wrong, not just saying it was a mistake

Genuine - he explained how he had come to the conclusion that he was wrong and how it made him feel after that realization

Ownership - he did not try to defend his actions, he explained his actions, but did not try to justify them, provide excuses for them, or blame someone else

Heartful - he visited me in person to make sure I received the apology, see how I would react, and possibly to comfort me if necessary

By no means is this intended as a tutorial on how to apologize. It’s simply a reflection of a huge lesson in life, and why I do try to apologize when I’ve done wrong.

There’s a lot here that many need to think about.

Yes, we are officially in the Age of Questioning, but we also need to starting healing as individuals, in our personal relationships, and as a community.

Let’s begin.